性别烦躁指南

选择

什么是选择?我不是说命运与个人意志间的关系,而是指性别语境下的选择。我认为讨论做选择的过程很重要。

选择理论体系下,选择分为两部分,即偏好和预期。预期是未来不同的道路,是做出任何选择的可能。有时很明显哪种是理性选择,这种选择源于“理性大脑”。但未经过严谨思考的选择和理性选择一样稀松平常,这种选择源于过往的经历、生理因素或更底层的本能。有时我们的偏好就是深处内心的感受,正念练习的拥护者称其为“感性大脑”。

不论偏好源于何处,它受内心感受的影响:愉悦与不适;平和与失衡;亢奋与烦躁。我们做出的所有行动和选择都源于积极或消极的反应。当必须做出二选题时,我们会选出最利于我们内在需求的或最无害的那个。

这又与性别有什么关系呢?人的性别不是选择,性别属于脑功能不可变的一部分。但现实也存在可能导致性别认知变动的因素(如流性别者和处于分离性身份状态的人),人们也可能会改变讲述自己性别的方式,但没有人选择了性别认同。我们只是选择了表达性别认同的方式。

Those choices, those preferences, are driven by what feels good and what feels bad. A person who chooses to publicly identify as a gender different from the one assigned them at their birth is making that choice based on what feels right to do. A person defending that identity does so based on what feels wrong. We make these choices against the social stigma and discrimination that comes with the transgender label, and indeed a not insignificant number of trans people may choose to go stealth and abandon that label once it is safe to do so. Even among those who are not stealth, many trans people accept the safety of being presumed cisgender, and take no effort to break people of that presumption. That is, again, a choice. Being visibly trans produces a negative experience for them.

There are those who find the notion that Euphoria and Dysphoria are central motivators behind gender variance to be uncomfortable, you could even say they experience dysphoria at the concept of dysphoria. To them ask, if you believe you do not have dysphoria, why did you take on the mantle of the trans label? That choice did not happen in a vacuum; even if your motivations stem entirely from happy feelings, ask yourself how you feel when your gender is not respected. How do you feel when others invalidate your identity?

这难道不单纯是感到不适或不满的状态吗?

宝贝儿,这就是性别烦躁呀。

我们本就身处此地,我们本就与众不同。

每年都会有新的研究表明跨性别人口数量的上升。随着认知度提高,越来越多的人意识到他们的人生不对劲,并选择出柜。美国性少数人群者反诋毁联盟(GLADD)估计3%的人都是跨性别者,我在更激进的估算中也见过5%甚至10%的数字。我们对性别的理解越深,就会有更多描述性别的词汇,就会有更多人认识到被迫遵循僵化的性别结构是错误的。

然而这一切改变令人恐惧:这让保守派恐惧,他们认为对性别新的认识会使父权制社会结构消解;这让根据哈里·本杰明规则转变的保守跨性别者恐惧,现在这么多人轻易地获得曾经需要通过行动、谎言和操控才能获得的结果——他们担心,如果谁都可以是跨儿,公众就不会把跨儿当回事;这使厌女的反跨团体恐惧,他们努力否认跨性别者的权利——他们认为,如果谁都能是男人或女人,那男人或女人的地位就会受损。

成为跨性别者绝非跟风行为。

性别烦躁也不是突然出现的。

更没有人制造了跨性别孩子。

这些谣言必须停止。

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